Self-Indulgent Worship?

Recently, I've had a couple of ideas to use in worship that I have been really excited about. I think these are ideas that could make for a meaningful time of worship for people, and they were inspired by some experiences that I thought were pretty cool. I'm looking forward to trying these things out, but recently I've begun to wonder what these ideas would accomplish. Who are they for? In my mind, I picture them happening at a church gathering, and they go off really well, and I'm moved by them. I think it's good to be moved in worship, but why is my approach to worship based on what will be meaningful and moving to me? I suppose it is important as a community to express our worship to God, and consequently we want to do things that feel like they are from us, and not some pre-packaged, shrink-wrapped deal. We want to use our gifts to their fullest extent to give Him honor. But I think if I am honest, with these ideas, I'm not sure that was at the forefront of my mind.
I think having realized this, there is still value in exploring the possibilities that these ideas for worship may offer, but it's a little disconcerting to realize that my motivation was probably more self-focused than God focused. Granted, I'd be excited about the experience because I think it would help me focus on God and what my community is saying to Him, and I think that's important, and maybe that's ultimately why I thought it would be cool--because I think connecting with God in community is pretty cool. I am into profound experiences.
Maybe what I need to realize is that there is not a whole lot that I can do to "manufacture" profound experiences. Maybe I need to continue to ask God how He wants to be worshiped, and then do my best to go there. God is profound on His own. He doesn't need me to get the lights just right in order to show up.
I suppose, on the other hand, that it is good to break up the routine sometimes. We want to avoid going through the motions when we come to worship. Some of that probably has to do with programming, but a lot of it has to do with heart. When we gather for worship, we acknowledge that it is good to give glory to God, and we want to be able to do that no matter what, but we also recognize that we want to connect with God, and so connect is an important factor in gathering as well. Maybe it's self-indulgent to want that for ourselves, but if that's the case, I think it's self-indulgent in the same way that a husband and wife long to be together, and I don't think anyone is going to fault them for that.

A Confession

A couple of weeks ago I was pretty hesitant to go to church. Not for any good reason, just laziness. I was tired and just wanted to relax. I didn't want to have to worry about doing anything in particular. On my way to church I took comfort in the realization that it was not going to be so bad because I could sit and relax for about an hour. I could listen to some nice music and an inspiring message. That didn't sound so taxing. Then, like having ice water poured down my back, another thought interrupted my impending repose. How about spending an hour worshiping the living God? How about taking the time to affirm that you are devoted to him? How about getting the opportunity to connect with your friends?
I guess that all sounded pretty good, so by the time I actually made it to church (probably about ten minutes late) I felt kind of ready to do this worship thing.
Everything was going well, and it was nice, and then a friend of mine got up and led us in a prayer. She thanked God that we were able to meet and worship Him in safety and comfort. She prayed for people in other parts of the world that had to risk their lives to worship God in secret.
That got my attention. These people in another part of the world would stubbornly continue to meet, despite powerful reasons to stay home, and here I was debating whether or not to bother to show up for worship because I was kind of tired. These people seem to take this corporate worship thing pretty seriously. Maybe there's something I need to learn there. If I could barely be troubled to show up when I'm tired, what are the chances that I would risk my life or fragile semblance of freedom to make it?
This was pretty profound to me. I was moved.
And somehow I managed not to show up for worship the next week because I didn't feel up for it.
I think I could learn a few ugly things about myself from this experience, but one thing that immediately comes to mind is that I seem to have allowed this activity of gathered worship of God to somehow become about me. It seems the deciding factors of whether or not I am going to show up for worship depend on how I'm feeling and how I'm going to feel if I go. Now I'm a little more moved, but I still have this nagging sense that I go to worship more for me than for God. When I go to worship, I want it to be more important to me that God is pleased than that I'm pleased.